Sorry Bob, I don't like Monday's either

A few years back, Matt had a colleague. He shall go un-named but at the time, we called him Bob.

Because he didn't like Mondays.

Every Monday for months he would 'work from home' or call in sick due to sickness, or because his wife was unwell. A different reason was given every time and I remembering scorning these 'excuses' and passing them off as the stories of skiving colleague.

And now, years on and two children later, I'd like to say I'm sorry.

Because I don't like Mondays either.

And I know now why he had to stay at home to look after his child when his wife was sick. I get why he had to take her to doctors and hospital appointments. I understand how hard it is to support your wife and child when there are no other family members around to share the strain.

I don't know the ins and outs of your story Bob, but I can make some educated guesses. I don't have to dig deep to imagine the Sunday evening tears, the Monday morning despair.

You see, I often detest Mondays. The day of the week when you go from having two parents on duty to just one. I hate watching Matt walk out of the door and the loneliness that descends almost instantly amidst the washing, housework and Peppa Pig.

It started just after giving birth to Lily. I was diagnosed with PND but I didn't want to accept help. Not at first. I (wrongly) thought that it meant I was a failure. Even accepting help is just the beginning of recovery.

Any time Matt had to come home or stay home he would get grief from work. Like Bob, previously friendly colleagues began to gossip. Supportive management and HR fade away and they instead measure your worth strictly by the time spent in the office, rather than the deadlines you meet and the work you do at 2am in the morning with a baby on your lap.

Almost every week I'd have to resist begging my husband to stay home. Some weeks were better than others. But even on the good weeks, I would trade a lot to have Matt at home with me. Even now I think Mondays are the worst day of the week.

I know how hard it must have been for Bob because I see how hard it is on Matt. His salary pays our rent, our bills and buys our shopping. He takes pride in his work and doesn't want to take time off if it can be helped. But he's also a supportive husband, an amazing father, and on the days when I feel like I can't cope I know that he is torn inside.

I'd also like to apologise to Mrs Bob for questioning why she couldn't look after a baby when she was ill. I was naive, I was ignorant and it was none of my business.

PND aside, I struggle every month when PMS kicks in with headaches, cramps and nausea. Let's not even start on the occasions where I've had a migraine or a bad cold. Kids are hard work and it's a nightmare trying to keep them happy when you're feeling under the weather. If you don't have family around to help then who else is going to step in if your husband doesn't?

So, Bob, I'm sorry. I know you're not working at that company any more and I sincerely hope you have found somewhere that you are happy. A business that supports you in achieving a healthy work-life balance.

A workplace without judgemental colleagues and their girlfriends!

3 Little Buttons
Rhyming with WineMummascribbles
Unknown said...

An honest post x

Unknown said...

I think we've all been guilty of judging another person's parenting and circumstances, but I think it's impossible to grasp just how mind-blowing and life changing having children is until you've actually experienced it yourself. I've also gone back and apologized to people that I have tutted and criticized before I had my own children. Beautifully written and honest post. Thanks for sharing with #fartglitter x

Anonymous said...

it is so true we judge and then we learn that we shouldn't have. Since becoming a parent I see life so differently. When anxiety took over my life it was so hard not to hold too tight to my husband. I am so much more compassionate now and I don't judge what I do not know. Beautifully written! Had to click on this when I saw it on #TwinklyTuesday

Topsy Turvy Tribe said...

This is the biggest lesson that I have learnt as a not to judge others. Soon enough, the methods you criticised, you may well end up doing yourself because they work and we do what works! I also felt the same angst when my husband left for work, as I had an epic struggle with breastfeeding that led me to the doors of PND #TwinklyTuesday & #DreamTeam

Crummy Mummy said...

It's easy to judge when we haven't experienced it ourselves isn't it! I wonder where 'Bob' is now... #twinklytuesday

Annette, 3 Little Buttons said...

That's such a lovely post to Bob. At the time, it's easy to take things at face-value and perhaps not fully understand why someone might do / or not do certain things. I think until you are in a similar situation yourself, it's only then that you can really realise. Mondays not my fav day either. Thank you for linking up to the #DreamTeam xx

Unknown said...

In my family we call everyone Bob, just because it amuses us. But moving on to more serious things... This is really lovely. It is so easy to have a view of something & later realise with the benefit of experience that it may not have been what you thought. Interestingly, I did hate Mondays, as most people do, when I worked, but have never disliked them so much as a SAHM. Being completely honest, I have probably preferred the weekdays, not the weekends. But I'm sure that depends upon the circumstances of your home, and whether the weekends equal more support or more hassle. Now I am a newly single parent, and there is really very little difference between week days and weekends for me at all - every day is pretty similar. #fartglitter

Mummascribbles said...

This is a lovely post. I'm sorry that you suffer with this and I bet that bob would really appreciate reading this!!
Thanks for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday

Clare said...

I can relate to the time of the month headaches. I've been getting migraines in the run up to the dreaded monthly that have gradually been getting worse with horrendous sickness. I gave in and went to the doctors last week and she's put me on cerelle (the pill) which should hopefully regulate my hormones throughout the month and kick the migraines away!

Absolutely Prabulous said...

So I was having a nosey around your blog when I switched from the iPad to the desktop version to try and get your Twitter details. And saw this. I've read a LOT of PND posts in my years as a blogger. And this one I honestly love for it's clever broader take. Brilliant.

Our Cherry Tree said...

Wow, thank you so much! xx

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