I am a rubbish friend

My name is Stephanie. And I am a rubbish friend.

There. I've said it out loud. A thought which has been on my mind a lot at the moment.

Today I replied to a friend's text message. She'd originally texted me two days ago. I often forget to reply at all.

On Saturday, a babysitting mix up meant that I missed a friend's 30th birthday party. I couldn't make her party last year either.

I never call my friends 'just to chat' anymore. The rare times I do they'd be lucky to hear anything other than my children shouting or me telling Ollie not to climb on the sofa.

I forget birthdays all the time. Or I remember but forget to post the card.

My kids always seem to get sick when I'm most looking forward to going for a night out. Or I'd love to go but just can't afford it.

And I'm sorry. Truly I am. I could make excuses about how I'm exhausted after running around after two children, how I don't get time to pee alone, let alone make a phone call. I can explain how hard it is to get a decent babysitter without bankrupting myself. But that wouldn't change anything.

The thing is, unless you're a friend that I see regularly at Mum's groups, or you're willing to pin me down and make me put a date in the diary, it's easy for the time to fly past. One minute you're visiting me at home with a newborn baby in my arms, the next minute we're meeting for coffee after dropping the kids off at school. Secondary school.

If I'm honest, I wouldn't want to be friends with me right now. Even if you're 'lucky' enough to arrange a meeting (then the babysitter turns up, the kids are well and I'm not totally skint) it's likely that all I'll be able to talk about is just how tired I am - if I'm awake enough to talk at all. Other topics include Lily, Ollie, housework (laundry in particular) and sleep.

I am considerate enough to try not to yawn in your face. But I often fail.

You may think that bribing me with alcohol would work. A catch up with friends and a large glass of wine always go well together. But my tolerance for hard drinks has been eroded after a combined few of years of pregnancy and breastfeeding. Any prolonged exposure to alcoholic beverages now leaves me very tipsy or, you guessed it, asleep.

And don't forget, I don't drive, so you usually have to be willing to come to mine or pick me up!


Although I may be really crap in our friendship right now, I want you to know that you are amazing.

I want to tell you that I stalk your facebook profile in the dead of night (sounds creepy, but it's only because I'm up with a teething baby).

I want to tell you that I appreciate your patience, your ongoing interest in me and my little family - even when we're not that interesting.

I want you to know that I treasure the memories of all the amazing, fun and hilarious times we've had together. That I look forward to a time when we can make more.

I want to tell you that I often see things that make me think of you. And every time I think of you I smile.

I want you to know that I love you. I'm always here if you need me. You're always welcome in my home for a hug and a cup of lukewarm tea.

I'm Stephanie, and I am a crap friend. But you? You are a great friend. Thank you!

Rhyming with Wine 3 Little Buttons
Maxine said...

Great insights and your a wonderful Mum that what counts

Louise (Squished blueberries) said...

Really enjoyed this post. I too am a truly, truly, probably even worse than you, crap friend.

Unknown said...

Oh yes! At least my friends with kids get it. But to be fair I was pretty useless even before I had a kid.


Anonymous said...

I am totally nodding along like 'yes' sounds like me. I was the first of my friends to have kids and they used o call and still want me to chat for hours and it was so hard, I felt so bad and so torn. Once my bestie had kids it was such a relief that she finally couldn't talk for hours, I know that sounds terrible of me, but it was so hard not trying to offend people who didn't get what it was like to have kids. Now mine are a little older my social life has greatly improved and being a good friend is easier. The best thing about your best friends is even if time passes quickly when you get together its like the old days still. #fartglitter

the Frenchie Mummy said...

What a small world! I wrote and linked up just after you a post about friendship and how I miss a friend. I feel I am not always here for here, especially since I am a mummy... Don't be too harsh on yourself. I am sure it's the same for everyone. #DreamTeam

Rhian said...

It's so rubbish to miss out on stuff, but unless you are going to take your kids along with you to a gig (not appropriate) or to a mega binge drinking sesh (really not appropriate), you just have to. Your real friends will understand and probably be feeling the same (if not now, then one day!). It's OK :-) #DreamTeam

Unknown said...

I think so many mums can completely relate to your post. I am sure your friends wouldn't consider you a crap friend though X #dreamteam

Unknown said...

I think so many mums can completely relate to your post. I am sure your friends wouldn't consider you a crap friend though X #dreamteam

Our Cherry Tree said...

Thank you! xx

Our Cherry Tree said...

Glad you liked it! I'm surprised at how many other people say they're a crap friend too! xx

Our Cherry Tree said...

Haha! Good point! I've always been a bit rubbish I guess, it's just much worse now. xx

Our Cherry Tree said...

I'm glad it's not just me! I get exactly what you mean about being a relief for other friends to have kids, I'm still waiting for many of mine to start but I know I'll feel better when they 'get it'. xx

Our Cherry Tree said...

It is so nice to know it isn't just me! If I'm going to be rubbish, at least I'm in good company! xx

Our Cherry Tree said...

Exactly! My friends are truly amazing and supportive, but I still wish I could do more! xx

Our Cherry Tree said...

Thank you! It does seem like a lot of mums do relate to this! Lol, they might not say it to my face but I'm sure they think it sometimes! xx

Crummy Mummy said...

A true friend is one where you pick up where you left off - however long that interval may be... #fartglitter

Unknown said...

I love this and I often feel just the same...the days whizz by and I receive texts and have to put the phone right back down to chase my toddler. I know it sound cliche but the true friends are the ones where months later nothing has changed, they'll always be there. Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam x

Unknown said...


Amy Harbottle said...

What a lovely, honest post!

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