Father's Day Thoughts

So it's 6:30am on what is, for me, one of the worst days of the year.

Father's Day.

A day when everything seems to shout at me that I don't have a Dad. That he's died. That it still hurts.

The run up to the day is painful, the advertising especially:

"tell your Dad you love him"

"treat your Dad this Father's Day"

"Only three days to go"

Don't you think I would if only I could?

I deal with things differently each year. Sometimes I just want to hide under the covers and sob, some years I get up and carry on. For the last few I have made a special effort, afterall, it's not just about my Dad, but about celebrating my husband, Matt, as a Father too.

I don't want my children to experience Father's Day as one of sadness and grief. Instead I want them to enjoy celebrating their Daddy in the same way that I used to enjoy celebrating mine.

And so I've dragged myself out of bed, helped the kids put the finishing touches to their cards and decided that Daddy deserves a special breakfast when he gets back from the gym.

It's a day for their Daddy.

But I've realised.

I realised that I'm the one privileged. I get to spend that little bit of extra quality time with my kids. We're preparing the food, playing chefs and learning about what it is to do something for someone else.

I get to see how excited they are about the cards. Ollie carefully writing names and asking how to write 'love', Lily filling her card with kisses whilst telling me how much she loves us all. Matt will open the cards and have the pleasure of seeing them on the mantelpiece but I'm the one who get's to witness just how much effort and love went into producing each one.

It might be ridiculously early on a Sunday but it's different to our usual mornings. There's a sort of excitement inn the air that you only get on special days, the whispers and the pomp and ceremony of opening cards and receiving breakfast on a specially adapted stool in front on the tv.

(Unfortunately, Daddy still had to watch Paw Patrol)

It's a brief, pleasant interlude to a day filled with mixed emotions for me. It's still hard not to think about my Daddy but I don't want to let it overshadow the day for the rest of the family. Missing him, crying over him, will never bring him back; what makes me smile today and will make me smile again tomorrow, is my children and the pleasure they have in appreciating someone else.

It reminds me of how lucky I am to have my family and how important it is to treasure these moments because others just aren't as picture perfect!

My thoughts are with anyone else in a similar position to me today. People hurting or angry because they have never known their fathers, whose relationships are strained and stressful, those who want to be the ones receiving the cards but can't... no matter what the reason, I hope that you can find something today that makes you smile.

Tomorrow is another day, the cards will disappear from the shelves and marketing departments have already started on their next campaign.

For today, just be good to yourself.

What does Father's Day mean to you? Let me know in the comments!

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