Is this the moment?

I'm sorry for the recent silence.

It was not planned. It was not expected.

I just found that I had no words.

Or that I had the words, but not the ability to string them together coherently.

I have been anxious, excited, stressed and relieved to be giving up work to become a stay at home mum.

It resulted in a migraine that lasted two days and I spent all of last Wednesday in bed.

Today is the day.

On Friday I served my last day in the school office. My role has been handed over. Processes have been set up and presentations passed on. I fought my blushes and my tears when I was presented with my leaving gifts and hugged the friends I have made.

I'm rubbish at goodbyes. I much prefer 'see you laters'.

Matt picked up the kids from nursery as normal. Even though it was their last day. I couldn't face the staff without crying.

The weekend has passed and I am no longer a working mum.

And I still feel anxious, excited, stressed and relieved.

And... Hopeful.

Because this verse keeps coming up in my readings, daily devotions, Instagram feed and conversations.

Esther 4:14
Perhaps you were made [Queen] for such a moment as this?

Perhaps I have been wrong to approach this season with such negative thoughts.

I like routine. Stability. Continuity.

But let's face it. I haven't been entirely happy now for some time. I've been hoping, praying for something to change.

So now it has changed. There is no going back.

I've spoken before about how as a child, as a teen, all I wanted was to be a Mum.

And now I am.

I have achieved a childhood dream!

And instead of trying to have it all and feeling like I'm failing miserably, perhaps this is the time for me to concentrate on re-building my confidence and building up my children, my husband, my home.

Cuddle Fairy
Annette said...

Change is always a bit scary, and oh so exhilarating! Best of luck with your new life, and enjoy! x #CandidCuddles

Cuddle Fairy said...

Change definitely is a bit scary especially when it deals with finances. I think it's great to be home with the family, I'm sure you will settle in! Thanks for sharing with u at #candidcuddles lovely xx

Cuddle Fairy said...

ps It's great to have you back linking up with candid cuddles, I missed your posts x

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