How (not) to write the perfect blog post

So today, I am alone! It's the Easter hols so I'm not at work like I usually am on a Friday but the kids are at nursery because I wanted a lie in didn't want to disrupt their routine. The house is quiet, or would be if I wasn't playing music, but it's peaceful. The washing is on, it's reasonably tidy. Now, time for blogging...

Or so you would think. Here is my tale of writing the elusive 'perfect' blog post.

Step one - have an idea.

Chuckle, think to yourself what a funny blog post that would make.

Excitedly tell your husband your idea. He doesn't get it.

Explain it to your husband, who still doesn't get it.

Wonder if this is actually funny at all.

Attempt to justify pitch to husband. Describe piece in detail, including how you would illustrate said genius blog post.

Give up, say goodbye to husband who goes to work and settle in to enjoy writing (typing) in peace.

Type your blog heading.

Try to fathom how your husband couldn't laugh out loud at your, quite frankly, hilarious idea.

Type a few lines. Get stuck with what to say.

Grab a cup of tea.

Whilst tea is brewing, narrate the blog post in your head. Sounds good, doesn't it?

Sit down to type. Promptly forget that brilliantly witty first line you'd just thought of.

Come up with a decent-enough-but-not-quite-as-good-as-the-first opening line.

Answer the phone, calmly tell the caller that you have already claimed PPI.

Lose track of what you were trying to say.

Take a sip of lukewarm tea. Wonder if there are any biscuits in the house? Maybe you should make a cake later? Chocolate would be nice... or maybe coffee...

Type for a while, then realise that the post you're writing bears no resemblance to your original idea.

Then realise that what you have written is, honestly, a bit shit.

Answer the phone. Explain to the caller that you have never been in a car accident. You're sure. Yep, definitely sure, you don't even drive.

Sit back down. Swig cold tea and start hitting the backspace button.

Decide that the whole piece is crap and delete the lot.

Spend five minutes staring at the blog title.

Attempt to remember why you wanted to write this. Was it funny?

Conclude that it wasn't even an interesting idea in the first place.

Utter four-letter swearword of choice.

Go to the freezer, grab tub of Ben and Jerrys.

Grab a spoon, blanket, book and remote.

Stick Once upon a Time on Netflix.

Eat ice cream.

Read book.

Fall asleep.

Job done.

Mr and Mrs T Plus Three


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